If you watched the great series "Suits", then you know what an imposter is: The main protagonist Mike Ross pretended to have graduated from Harvard to get the job in a prestigious law firm. Every day he goes to work, he is afraid that one day his employer will find out that he is a fraud, that he doesn't deserve to have this position, and that he will be fired once the truth about him comes out.
Unless you did a similar thing to trick your employer into hiring you, you were hired based on correct information. You presented your graduation certificates, your work experiences and convinced the hiring manager in at least one interview that you are the right candidate for the job. Congratulations - the company has decided to hire you and trusts you can do the job. However, many employees (especially if they are early in their career, in a challenging role, or even both!), sometimes feel like Mike - that they are a fraud, don't deserve their position, and it's only a matter of time that their colleagues and managers find out that actually they don't know what they are doing. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, and it can be a strong enemy on your journey of becoming an effective leader.
What is the imposter syndrome?
I first learned about the term in Julie Zhuo's book "Making of a manager", where she mentioned that every manager feels like an imposter sometimes. She describes it very vividly in the "Managing Yourself" chapter of her book:
Imposter syndrome is what makes you feel as though you're the only one with nothing worthwhile to say when you walk into a room full of people you admire. Imposter syndrome is what makes you double-, triple- or quadruple-check your e-mail before hitting "Send" so that nobody finds any mistakes and figures out you're actually a fraud. Imposter syndrome is the sensation that you're teetering along the edge of a sheer cliff with flailing arms, the whole world watching and waiting to see when you fall.
I remember when reading about it, I felt quite surprised and relieved - it seems I am not the only one to have these kind of thoughts! Julie further writes that actually it is pretty normal to feel that way, especially for young managers. If you ask senior managers today to recall times when they just started as a young manager, if they are honest they would often also tell stories of being confused, overwhelmed, and feeling the role was at times too big for them.
No successful manager was born overnight. In her book, Julie mentions two major reasons why managers face imposter syndrome more often than employees in other positions:
Managers are often looked to for answers As a manager, you are responsible for your team members. They will come with personal issues, with requests to do things differently than before, or with conflicts between them and other employees that they expect you to resolve. Sometimes you have to communicate a difficult decision to the team, or have to balance the interests of your team members against company interests. If times get tough, employees will often look at the manager for answers and direction. When these situations arise and you actually feel not too sure yourself about what to do or say, it is quite common to think "Am I really qualified for this job?"
Managers are regularly put in the position to do things they haven't done before The first time having a difficult conversation with an employee. The first time having a job interview on the hiring side. The first time having to let an employee go. The first time having an employee tell you that they are unhappy with their position, or that they even are resigning. The first time receiving criticism from your boss for something that didn't go as planned, or from an employee for a decision you made they are not happy with. As a manager, you are responsible to bring your team through change, so you are constantly forced to do things for the first time.
Nobody is perfect. Doing things for the first time obviously means that sometimes especially young and less experienced managers will make the wrong decision or mistakes (even experienced managers still do this from time to time, from what I heard 🙂). It also happens regularly to young managers that they are faced with a new issue for which they don't have the answer immediately. This can create anxiety. Even though it is a pretty normal experience, if it happens too often and starts affecting your mental health, it can seriously impact your efficiency in the workplace, as well as your well-being outside of it.
How can it impact young managers? (= how did it impact me?)
Being a young manager abroad, especially in the beginning, the anxious feeling could become quite intense. I had to face a lot of new situations every day, and I definitely did not have the answers ready for every situation when it came up. There were many times when I had to answer a request from my team with the words "I will check and come back to you", which was followed by calls with someone from our headquarter or discussions with other managers before I could come back with a solution. Several times, it turned out that a decision I have made was not the best choice, and I would keep agonizing about it, thinking back and wishing I could undo and change it.
Besides being young, working abroad is also contributing to the issue. Being already slightly overwhelmed with having a management role for the first time, working in a foreign country far away from home adds another dimension of complexity: You also have to navigate the minefield of cultural differences as well. Being the only foreigner in the office, it sometimes is difficult to find someone who really understands you, and can give you the right advice. Other managers or HR in the headquarters cannot fully see and understand what you are going through every day, so it is more difficult to get precise feedback to learn and improve. Things that go well often go unnoticed, things that don't go well might randomly pop up, so there is a tendency to focus on the problems and not to see the actual progress. This feeds right into the anxiety of being not qualified for the role, and makes it even more challenging to overcome this issue.
Being in this role for longer, over time you gain experience and can learn from mistakes. The more familiar you get with your role, the better and faster you are able to make decisions, since you already have more experience to evaluate the situation. You see the bigger picture and also you can estimate the impact of your decision on the team members and the company more precisely. However, that doesn't mean the feeling disappears - it's just not as present anymore as before, but can still come up again anytime. With every situation that still doesn't go as planned, with every time getting criticized by someone, with every mistake that still happens, the feeling of being an imposter can come back and can be hard to get rid of - even after several years in the role. I have high expectations of myself and my work - accepting the fact that sometimes I am simply wrong or make a mistake is still hard for me, which still sometimes doesn't let me fully relax outside of work or keeps me up at night.
What to do about it?
Once you have identified the problem and understand why the imposter syndrome can be common for young leaders, the question is: What to do about it, how to solve it?
Again, Julie Zhuo has written a great chapter in her book, which I won't re-write in detail, but I will share some parts which were insightful for me. First, it's important to acknowledge that everyone has areas which they are especially good at, mixed with areas where others are better - nobody is perfect in every aspect. Therefore it's important to be honest with yourself, to understand in which situations you tend to thrive, and in which you are struggling. It's helpful to get honest feedback from others, which can help you to calibrate your own understanding against the outside view. You will often be surprised that how others see you is actually sometimes different than you expected. It's also important to make sure you understand under which circumstances you feel drained and anxious, and to try to create an environment and a daily routine that can support you and make you feel more energized. However, young leaders have to accept that it's okay to feel bad sometimes, and it's also normal to struggle in an unfamiliar environment. It's part of learning, without the struggle at first it's impossible to go through the valuable experiences you need to grow.
For me, as a young manager abroad, the lack of experience combined with the lack of direct feedback is what made the feeling quite strong in certain situations. Often things go well for a while, but then several problems pop up at the same time which call for an immediate solution. Not always was I able to solve them directly, which fed the inner critic in me. The inner critic is usually not friendly and tends to catastrophize, out of one mistake your mind can easily build up a fully emerged worst-case scenario. Getting fired seems inevitable, the mistake was just too serious and the company can no longer trust you (or something similarly unrealistic). However, nothing of this is true, this scenario was just built up in your head. Whenever you feel these thoughts of doubt, it's important to become aware of it immediately and to let go of them. Here is what helped me in these situations:
Actively ask for feedback: I am very glad to have people I trust in and outside of my company that I could turn to, who were willing to give me guidance when I needed it. They helped me to realize that actually there are things in which I am doing a great job, which puts the areas in which I am still struggling in perspective. Once you know that your job is not actually in danger and overall you are doing okay, the anxiety will get less. Even if it turns out that someone in the company actually is unhappy with your performance, at least after getting feedback you have the confirmed answer and know exactly on which area you need to work on. Usually, the worst-case scenario in your head is not reality, the mind tends to be overly negative.
Objectively inquire the situation: In her book "Loving what is" (which was recommended by a previous HR colleague to me), Katie Byron recommends asking yourself four questions to inquire about the situation you feel anxious about. These questions focus on if I can be absolutely sure if my negative thought is true (usually it's not), and how I would feel without having this thought (usually better). Realizing that the scenario in your head is only one potential outcome but definitely not the most likely one is already helpful. By following through with some exercises in the book, it's possible to better detach yourself from the negative feeling and to get out of it.
Find a supportive network: I am grateful to have very close friends and family whom I could always turn to when I was struggling. Sometimes, when you have feelings of anxiety and self-doubt, talking to a close friend whom you can trust is so valuable, and can give your thoughts a new, more clear direction. It happened several times that simply through speaking a situation or problem out loud, I already felt much better about it or even already got an idea how to solve it.
Take a break outside: It sounds simple, but is so important: Going out into nature can help to relax the body and mind, and helps to come back to the stressful situation with a new perspective and fresh energy. Watching Netflix on the couch the whole weekend might be tempting if you already feel drained, but it's not going to be beneficial: Hiking, sports, hot springs, or simply walking through a forest or park can help to recharge.
Detach from the negative thought (gremlin energy exercise): During a session I was talking with my coach about the inner voice in my head, which she called the "Gremlin energy". Whenever you have a voice in your head which tells you that you are not good enough, that you don't deserve the job, that you are doing things wrong: Give this voice a name, imagine how the voice sounds like, how the person this voice is coming from looks like, and imagine this person is with you now. This will help to detach yourself from this inner critic and see it as a separate identity (it's not you), and simply tell him/her "Don't worry, I got this." The inner critic actually tries to protect you by making you cautious, to avoid action or risks and to keep you small. However, as a manager you need to be able to take calculated risks and to stand up for your team - if you keep avoiding them because you feel small, insignificant and are afraid of making mistakes, you won't be able to fully support and lead your team or the company through difficult times.
Develop yourself: Sometimes experiencing the imposter syndrome actually can be helpful, as it clearly shows you which areas you believe you still are lacking expertise and need to catch up. If you recognize and accept this as a chance to learn, to spend time and effort to get better, you will over time reduce the negativity of your inner voice, as you realize you are getting better in an area you originally thought you were failing.
Final thoughts
After 4 years, the negative thoughts are coming up less and less - increasing experience, valuable feedback, much learning and a better self-awareness have helped to better manage the inner critic. At least after my contract was extended for the first time, I realized that this is probably the best proof that I actually do fulfill the expectations. This doesn't mean that now I never have feelings of doubt anymore - they are still there sometimes, but they come by less frequently and I learned how to deal with them more effectively.
Overall, I actually believe that unless it gets too overwhelming and is hindering you from really moving forward, feeling like an imposter sometimes and having an active inner critic can also help to keep you grounded and humble, and to make you aware of areas which you should still work on. If you feel you are not good enough yet, you will keep trying to get better. If you already believe you have all the answers, have fully figured out your job and there is nothing to learn or improve anymore, then there is only one way to go from there - and it's going down, once you realize the next blind spot you of course still had (you heard from the Dunning-Kruger effect? 🙂).
Overall, having these feelings is human, and very normal. Just accepting them, but not getting affected too much, is probably the best way to deal with them. This takes time and effort, but is a great source for personal growth. Being a young manager abroad seems to be a perfect training for it.
Very valuable and helpful insights for leaders whenever they suffer from Imposter Syndrome- and we all do at some point!